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Many of you know me as a bubbly, happy person. However, these past few months have been extremely difficult for me. I have been severely depressed due to many factors. We sold our 2-story house back at the end of June and have been searching for a 1-story with a pool.
To top it off, while trying to evade a hornet attack, I tore and ruptured my Achilles Tendon. Then, walked on it for 2 months, because I have a very high pain tolerance. In the meantime, I had very successful shoulder surgery – minor and have recovered fully.
But we have been staying in Airbnb fully furnished apartments for the past two months. Thankfully, we got to go to Mexico and Ireland in June/July. The first Airbnb was a beautifully decorated fully furnished apartment with lots of light. However, this most recent apartment is dark and depressing. It is in a great location, but lacks lighting, and is poorly furnished. I call it the “cave”. I also discovered that one of my friends recently passed away, which was very sad.
I suffer from depression. I am not suicidal. In fact, it has been 40 years as of Oct 2nd that I failed at committing suicide. Think about that for just a minute. All of the lives I have touched – my beautiful family, children, and grandchildren. I am so happy that my attempt was denied!
Even so, I have been so down and have reached out to friends who have not picked up on my depression. People always say, “I had no idea”. A person that is depressed will not say, “I am so depressed”. We aren’t wired that way. We are more subtle.
The reason I am writing this is that I have a toolbox that helps me to pull myself out of the darkest pits of depression. And, I have a lot to live for. I discovered that my current bout of depression is caused by one simple thing that makes me happy.
Purpose. I have to have a sense of purpose. Helping people makes me happy. Creating things makes me happy. Genealogy research makes me happy. Purpose. All of which I have been without during this nomad lifestyle. I have some of my things, but I miss my office or my “All about me room” terribly.
How did I discover this? The other day, I was told by someone “I admire what you do (genealogy) it is a great service for others”. One simple sentence from a stranger. That is what has led me back on the path to purpose. So simple.
The reason I am posting this is that I used a few keywords in my emails and chats with friends, that were not picked up on. So I am writing to share them with you. In case you have someone using these same terms when talking or emailing, so you may be made more aware:
“I am missing my _____.” “I feel lost”. “I am sad.” “I’m so happy to hear from you. You threw me a lifeline of normal!””We are still in the process of house hunting, so I am feeling a little lost” “I miss my office and my buddies!”
What I am trying to say is that October is Suicide Awareness Month. Please pay close attention to those who may reach out to you and call your friends, ask them out for coffee, check on them, and engage with them. They may need you to send them a lifeline, like the one I got from a complete stranger.
